User blog:WonderPikachu12/Vaas Montenegro vs The Joker. Epic Rap Battles: Video Games vs History Season 3
We're all mad here... Bout time this battle came around right? Whoops. Anyways, here's a battle. I'm sure something like Joker vs Needles Kane/Sweet Tooth or Kefka was a more expected and desired outcome, but after I'd gotten this match-up, I became really fond of the idea. Got to play into Far Cry 3 some, and it's a fun game, I must say. Also, beat is by EDXBeats! It was done for a contest thing, but that's like a year old by now plus it was video-only I think, so counting it as a part of that contest is pretty much invalid by now. Not sure if he'd be fine with me using it now, so I at least wanna give him a shout out and reccomend checking out his stuff. Big shout out to Stoff, big fan of Vaas and basically the main reason I decided to look into him and use him. This one's for you, dude! And also, another big shout out to Grav. Big, big, big shout out. He's awesome. <3 And also again, big thank you to Quagga for arting a pic for me to use here in this battle. :D 'Secondary antagonist of Far Cry 3, Vaas Montenegro, and main antagonist of the Batman franchise, the Joker, face off in a match of two incredibly violent, unstable psychopaths.' ---- PROLOGUE: Vaas Montenegro had been scarfing down most of the banquet that had been provided, shoving aside two kids constantly that were trying to get at the food. "Get out of here already, niños! I called dibs!" Vaas proclaimed as he pushed them aside, a rare sight compared to how he'd usually just shoot someone to get his way. He may have been a murderous nut, but he did like kids at least and had the decency to not just shoot them on sight. The two pounded on his legs, but he just shrugged it aside as something playful. One of the kids would soon brandish a knife, then stabbed Vaas right in the leg while the other ran off in a panic. "AAGH!" Vaas suddenly cried out. He reache down and yanked the knife from his leg, but instead of the kid standing beside him, there was now the Joker. "And who the hell do you think you are, stabbing me?" Vaas snapped, tossing the knife aside into the crowd, which would just barely miss them as the blade scraped along the stone floor. "Oh, calm down, I didn't do anything," the Joker chuckled, looking down at the tear in Vaas's leg with blood seeping out of it. "Although, that kid did leave a pretty mean scar in you. Did the widdle kid give you a boo-boo? Ahahaha!" In a second, the Joker would find himself being punted along the floor into the crowd, Vaas having jammed his elbow right into the clown's gut. He turned around, grabbing a handful of chips, "Fuck off." "Aww, I'd love to give you space. I'm sure you need it after getting shanked by a kid," remarked the Joker as he quickly hopped back up to his feet, "but, you see, the thing is, Bowser just informed me you're to be my opponent here. Rarely do I get the chance to take part in big fun group activities like this, and I'm not about to let you ruin my chance at fun. Got it?" Vaas smirked, shaking his head, "Alright, that's fine by me, hermano." A few minutes would pass as the two headed through the crowd, Vaas plucking the knife up off of the ground and sliding it into a pouch around his waist, before reaching the portals set up by the Magikoopas. ---- (Starts at 0:00) EPIC RAP BATTLES: VIDEO GAMES VS HISTORY VS BEGIN! Vaas Montenegro: (0:10) Welcome to my island, hermano! Here, I'll really show you what it means to be mean. Man, you're the pastiest-looking white boy I've ever fucking seen. That's a nice suit. Really fucking nice. Did you press it yourself? Well, I'll be pressing your head under my boot and leave you crying out for help! You say you're the "Joker", but you're a far cry from being funny. Hell, even Ronald McDonald could give you a run for your money! Do not cry! Do not beg! The choices you've made have led you to be charred, Because in this batalla, I'm the ace, while you're the Joker playing card! The Joker: (0:30) Ladies and Gentlemen! You've gathered here to witness a battle of raps, But with the crap that this whack sad sack spits, it's just an unfunny gag. So let the Joker take the mic! I've seen funnier jokes from the Bats! Just take my sharp raps like you would a knife! It's okay to die, Vaas. I'm like the King and the Queen in this fight! You're just repping the Rook! The greatest supervillain ever known, while you're less than a crook. Even the baddest of the bad fear me! I'm insane! Just ain't right! It's really no wonder that a Monte-nigga couldn't handle slaves right. Vaas Montenegro: (0:50) Did I ever tell you the definition of insanity? It's when you keep repeating shitty disses and still expect to get something! Man, I thought I was loco, but YOU'RE batty if you try to step to me! Because fuck, I'll leave you looking worse than you did in any of your movies! The Joker: (1:00) Oh, please! You just need to relax! Really, why so serious? If you thought you could win, you must've had mushrooms, 'cause you're delirious! You're not giving me enough flow! You've left me dehydrated! I'm always relevant! Everyone knows my name! Your game is already outdated. Negan: (1:10) On your knees fuckboys, the battle’s Savior is fucking here! And I do not appreciate you giving my ears Something To Fear. I mean, you guys fucking suck! Even my dick is more of a monster, bitch! I hate rape, you fucked the track, now let the slaughter begin! (BAM, BAM) Vaas Montenegro: (1:23) SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! You don't EVER interrupt me, we clear? And YOU! Are you FUCKING DEAF? I SAID, GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! Go run back to your boyfriend, Batman, while I'm busy revving up your Harley, And cutting the heads off of every single nutjob in your army! Hermano, you could've even spat better using your wind-up teeth! I may be down here on the ground, but you know that I'm upbeat. I'm fucking running my business! You just do everything dumb. Look me in the eye. You're my bitch. I rule this fucking kingdom. The Joker: (1:43) Calm down. You are angry, Vaas. I get that. No, really, I do! You act all big and tough, but really, you're just busy licking someone else's boots. Can't break away from that, so now you're a psychotic lunatic! And what's my backstory? Hah, not even my greatest fans know of it! I'm of a creepy mysterious kind, the Clown Prince of Crime! In a battle of rhyme, in no time, I'll break you down like both of our minds! You really must've walked the tight-rope, When your sister trained someone to kill you when you killed their brother. Now THAT's a Killing Joke! WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? EPIC RAP BATTLES-''' (A green gas seeps in and surrounds the logo) '''VIDEO GAHA...AHAHAHA...AAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! ...HISTORY! ---- EPILOGUE: The two locked each other at gunpoint, the fallen body of Negan still bleeding from the head. Vaas glowered at the Joker, while the Joker simply couldn't wipe away that shit-eating grin of his. "HEY GUYS! I'm not too late, am I? For the rap battle?" The two paused, looking to the side to see Deadpool standing there. "Uh, yeah, mucho late, stupid." "Aww, man," Deadpool slumped, looking at the fallen body beside the two. "Was hoping to turn this into a royale. Then again, this is only the second battle of the season. Plus, we'd need a second video game character... Oh, maybe Trevor Philips! Wonder did talk about possibly reusing him. Can you imagine that? Vaas Montenegro vs the Joker ft. Negan, Deadpool, and Trevor Philips! The line-up needs work, though. Ah, well, I'll be talking with Wonder about this later. With lots of guns, too! I mean I'll be talking to him while holding him at gunpoint, not talking to the guns. I'm not crazy or anything!" "What's he rambling about?" Vaas glanced at the Joker. The Joker shrugged, then grinned in response, "I like this guy." Vaas frowned as he looked back at Deadpool, "And I thought I was nuts." "Rude!" Deadpool huffed, folding his arms. "Well, at least this didn't turn into Sweet Tooth or Kefka vs The Joker. That would've been super generic. We don't need yet another clown battle, guys! Go to Flats for that! And tell him I sent you. He loves me! Probably." Vaas just stared at this guy, before turning back towards the Joker. Or rather, where he once stood, as the clown prince had suddenly vanished. "FUCK!" Vaas cursed, turning towards Deadpool. "This is your fault, pinche idiota!" Deadpool just shrugged in response and said, "Yeah, not the first time I've heard that." He then turned, walking off. "Whatever, I've got business to attend to elsewhere! EXCELSIOR!" Deadpool rushed off, leaving Vaas by himself, just lost and confused. "So, the Joker's gotten away, and now there's this ladybug on the loose. Fuck, hombre," Vaas groaned, rubbing at his head. "Can't leave either of them alive... No way will Bowser allow for that. Gotta make sure they're both dead. Haha... Ah, you know what? This is gonna be fun." ---- Who won? Vaas Montenegro The Joker Negan Here's a hint for the next battle: Hints for this battle explained: The Circus Is Coming - A reference to both The Joker being a clown, which are major figures in circuses, but also the beat itself being Circus-themed. Einstein's insanity quote - Obviously a reference to the characters involved being insane, but also Vaas actually quotes this in the game. Category:Blog posts